At the end of June I took a huge leap. I did something for myself that I have always wanted to do but which, until now, I’ve assumed was out of my reach. It’s silly when I think about the reasons why I thought this. For one, I was scared, even though I’ve been assured by many who’ve already took the plunge that I had nothing to fear. For another, did I really have the time for this huge thing I wanted to do? Couldn’t I do it later? I have time… right? But the silliest reason was probably that I’d have to spend money on it – and no small amount, at that. Wasn’t it selfish to spend so much money on myself when it could be used for something more important? Something that could benefit more than just one person? After much humming and hawing, though, and after much encouragement from my loved ones who would have been the people to benefit from the money I was about to spend on myself, I did it. I barreled ahead and did the selfish thing…
I got laser eye surgery.
And I’m glad. Thrilled, in fact. I have been wearing glasses since I was twelve years old, so to now be seeing 20/20 without having something perched on my nose or suctioned to my eyeball is incredible. Well worth the investment, and I count myself supremely fortunate to have been able to do it.
The surgery, however, required me to take a week off from my computer as my eyes healed. And in that week, I began to realize how overwhelmed I’ve become lately, when I started to notice that the thought of returning to my computer filled me with dread. Since my personal wellness has been a bit of a priority this year, I decided it was time to examine why this was and, more importantly, how to change it.
I’m happy to say that I’ve done quite a bit of work on this, and I’m back to working on what I love without the extra baggage that has been weighing me down. Here’s specifically what I did.
Saying no to current projects and clearing my plate of assignments that weren’t serving me.
I am a yes person. If someone needs something from me, I am there for them… whether it’s good for me or not. Lately, though, as a content writer I’ve found that I’ve been saying yes way too often to writing-related projects that serve someone else’s needs, not my own. So I’ve stiffened my spine, completed the projects I committed to, and sent a polite series of emails informing my contacts that I was taking an indefinite hiatus from writing (their stuff, not my own).
Affirmations of self-confidence
Because I have been so busy, I haven’t really had time to examine how this overwhelm has affected my self-confidence – as a writer, as a mother, as a human being… it’s complicated. But I realize now upon reflection that when I took something on, I let something else slip, and that led to feeling like a failure. In letting go of all the unnecessary stuff that was taking up room in my head, I’ve opened room to affirm my positive traits. So several times a week, I find time to put on an affirmations podcast or YouTube video. As I’m making the bed or walking the dog or folding the laundry, I’m invested in the affirmations and taking them in. It’s brought me a great deal of inner peace that I didn’t even know I was missing.
Restructuring my working days
It’s one thing to know you need a plan for your day, but it’s quite another to create one that is realistic, and not just a wish-list of endless time crammed to the gunnels with tasks. With having too much on my plate, I tended to schedule time for everything to make sure that everything got done. But in reality, I would be running out of energy, not time. More specifically, I was running out of brain power to think my way through the mentally taxing tasks I had on my plate. And then, of course, feelings of failure and overwhelm would creep in and I wouldn’t do anything (because shutting down for self-preservation is my superpower). I’ve taken a good hard look at how much time and energy I really have in a day, and now with less on my plate, I can be strategic about what I’m doing and when. I don’t usually have lots to schedule now, but when I do, I avoid cramming and instead spread what I need to do out over the week so that it is manageable.
Being kinder to others
I’m not an unkind person. In fact, I am quite the opposite. I’m no saint, mind, but I’m generally pleasant and strive to make people feel good about themselves. What I am not, however, is open with my kindness. Let me explain: I am an introvert. It’s in my nature to keep myself to myself, and greeting people I don’t know or starting brief conversations with strangers is entirely out of my comfort zone. Lately I have been working on that. I’ve been trying to offer little feel-good moments to people that hopefully make their day a wee bit brighter. Such as, when I’m in a checkout line, I ask the cashier how their shift is going instead of a generic “How are you?” When walking the dog, I used to offer tentative smiles on occasion, but mostly I just kept my head down and lived in my own little world. Now, I’m keeping my eyes up when I walk, and when I encounter another walker, I’m practicing a more open and inviting smile, and saying “Good morning,” or “Hello” without reservation. Though this was never my main goal, an unexpected side effect to adding just a little extra kindness into how I go about my day is that it makes me just a little bit happier. Which has had a positive effect on my writing, surprisingly.
Installing effortless habits that keep my space clean
I bit the bullet – I sat down and read Atomic Habits. If you haven’t yet, I recommend it. I’ve spoken before about the effects on my productivity of having a cluttered, unwelcoming. Well, a clean space has much the same effect. If my space is dirty or messy, then all I am thinking about is that I need to clean and tidy. I’ve instilled a few easy habits into my day that help maintain order and cleanliness in my space, which in turn takes the burden off my brain when I’m trying to focus on writing.
Finding time for personal enjoyments
I’ve spent so much time consumed by writing over the last several months, that I’ve come to think of writing as a burden. I never ever want to feel like that, but it was clear that I was spending so much time on writing (mostly for other people) that I didn’t have any time or energy left to do the things I love to do. Personal pursuits like reading, making progress on a sewing project, spending time playing with my power tools or in the garden happily picking weeds (I actually love doing this – zoning out to a podcast while digging in dirt? Yes please!). Admittedly this one goes hand in hand with clearing work from my plate, but now that I’ve purged my commitments, I’ve been making sure to spend time on personal pursuits so that I don’t get back to a place of resenting writing for taking up my life.
All of these things have given me the space in my head to work on writing more, and move forward. My emotional health has improved dramatically. I am more calm during the day. I have more patience with the people in my life. And I am making measurable progress on the things that matter to me. It’s a wonderful feeling. I’m sure at some point I will get back to a place where I have too much on the go, but unlike before, I’m more aware of it now, and am more attuned to what I can do to change it. For now, I’m enjoying the improvements I’ve made and am seeing the rewards… literally. With 20/20 vision and no contacts or glasses!
Veronica Bale's Blog 